The Drama Triangle
The real problem with DRAMA is that we often fail to see that we are a part of the problem. We are quick to point the finger, accuse others and even our involvement in situations that are going on around us, yet we are stuck drop dead in the middle. Yes – You are STUCK right in the middle of The Drama Triangle (Karpman).
The Drama Triangle is not a place you want to be. The sad thing is many people spend precious time living in this cycle of turmoil, instead of living lives filled with joy.
I will explain to you exactly what the cycle is and give you some ways to get out of the cycle.
There are three significant areas: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor it’s vital that you understand what they are so when you recognize them within yourself you can make adjustments. Self Awareness is the beginning of success.
The Victim
Is a person many of us can identify with; either we have been the victim or rescued a victim. Victims are always playing the poor pitiful me role; they tend to be very smart yet are incapable at times of achieving success. They often display high volatility in emotion and at times are an emotional mess, even in their work.
Victims don’t like to ask for help even when they need it; then they say things like, “I don’t know why no one offered to help, or I just can’t believe you would leave me out here like this.” You try to listen objectively and not get involved, but your own emotions are tugging at you, thus rushes in.
The Rescuer
Is always rushing in to save a victim, with no care or thought of personal safety. Their only thought is that this person needs me, they can’t possibly be capable of taking care of this for themselves; I have to save them from this mess.
Yea, I know right just like an episode of Y&R (The Young and The Restless). They want to save something or someone from something. Of course, they think they are prepared for the feat, and everyone will thank them for their help. However, as you know, this is not always the way things end up, and in the midst of the frustration, the Judge steps in.
The Persecutor
Judge Justice, the creator of I told you so and if only. This person is always right and feels that if you had listened, you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. After all, they know best. When you try to explain that you only wanted to figure things out for yourself, they go on to be silent, almost mute, smirking and saying to them, “I bet you listen next time.”
Tell me where are you in this triangle? If you are in a relationship and you are not effectively cultivating an environment of love, safety and security then you are definitely in this cycle. I too have been caught up at different times using ineffective behaviors and communication; thinking I was right only to be wrong.
TEAM EMPOWERMENT
Now enter our CHAMPIONS, the alter egos of these folks that are caught up in the Drama Triangle. They are creative, successful, confident, happy people who possess skills that you only wish you had. Guess what you can. I will map out the steps below. This model was created by Dr. David Emerald called TED (The Empowerment Dynamic)
Co-Creator
The alter ego of the Victim. This person is confident; they feel powerful, hopeful and aware. They know that they have the answers and through creative thought, problem-solving and focus they can do what needs to get done.
Is it a pretty picture right? You can be this person. You are this person it’s just a matter of adjusting your perspective to your situation, practicing positive affirmation and trusting that you are able. Build your skills and create yourself into the type of person you want to be. Remember this is a NO WHINING ZONE!
Coach
How does it feel to know you never have to rescue another person? Yes, I said never. Coaches know that people are more than able, they have power inside themselves that is unimaginable, and Coaches cultivate an environment for people to SHINE! Yes, SHINE!
Coaches empower others; they believe in you, are aware, objective and know people are more than capable of taking care of themselves. They revel in being there to champion you on as you get up and do whatever needs to be done. Coaches are secure in themselves; thus they don’t need to be in the spotlight or get all the credit for your success.
Challenger
Good-Bye Judge Justice! She was once one of my favorite people because if I was a lot like her. The Challenger is smooth (just my thoughts); they have mastered the art of asking challenging questions. They realize that problems need to be solved and that no one gets anywhere fast if they are stuck pointing the finger.
Challengers don’t care about being right, they desire peace and wish to see others grow, improve and become the best they can be. Challengers are willing to engage positively should conflict arise, they can manage their emotions and bring clarity to the situation and not turn a blind eye.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this post. I wanted to keep it light so that you get the full picture. While each of us plays a role daily on the triangle, it is up to us to select a new perspective and create positive skills that will be helpful and beneficial to those around us.
Empowerment is more than just saying a kind word. It’s the spark that creates a fire. Leave your comments below and do your best to be a Co-Creator, Coach or be a Challenger in your daily life.
Peace & Blessings Coach Billie C.
